Happily I now have a notebook to write in that has aesthetic value. So though this one misses out on a few adventures in this land of rain and misery and stress related illness, where my back aches from working in a well paid job - "Costa will cost ya" - and I feel my low esteem...
...I ache after nature, its serenity, honesty and feel anger at petty society and its drives to some optimum opulence, the facade of integrity... if you will kill me, look in my eyes and do it!
My anger may be partly aimed at myself. I've sensed a degree of healing from self-flagellation. To lose at cards and feel, "Yeah, I deserved that!". To feel the biting wind on my Jinlun 125cc motorbike, even the soggy rain. "I will endure... not like the others!".
Hmmm, so is it punishment or a degree of status seeking in the mind? Possibly more the latter. We all need to find our status somewhere, until, perhaps, we find enlightenment in Zen buddhism. I jest a little but I do have a romantic notion of the practice. It is possible to be removed from status seeking, a view of our place in the world, but isn't that non-existence? I guess that is what Buddhism seeks.
To live in the now... 'presence of mind', 'mindfulness', is a very worthy practice. The non-existence will come to us anyway, it seems to me.
Anyhow, I hope to be positive. To glory in nature and existence and phenomena of interest in the following pages - the ideas of one sentient being.
"My brother said to me... 'If you shut your eyes to a frightening sight, you end up being frightened. If you look at everything straight on, there is nothing to be afraid of.'" - Akira Kurosawa, Something Like an Autobiography.
"White crane!
Lend me you wings,
I will not go far..." - 6th Dalai Lama, in Tibet, Tibet, by Patrick French.
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